Wholeness in Motion: Balancing Masculine and Feminine in Yoga, Tango and Relationship

Let’s talk about the unconscious dance between the masculine and feminine—and how bringing awareness to these two energies can transform your nervous system, your relationships, and even your experience of yoga and tango.

First, let’s get something clear: masculine and feminine energies are fluid and dynamic, existing beyond the traditional gender binary. People of all gender identities embody these energies in unique and deeply personal ways. These polarities provide a framework to understand wholeness, but the way they manifest varies widely. Some may feel a natural resonance with energies traditionally associated with their gender identity, while others may experience them differently. Ultimately, the relationship between gender identity and energetic expression is individual and shaped by our conditioning and context, with each of us naturally leaning toward one energy or the other at different times.

It’s also important to mention that, for centuries, society has privileged masculine expression (though often not in its healthiest form), while suppressing the feminine. Through a more integrated lens, however, neither energy is superior. Both are essential for creating harmony—within ourselves, in our relationships, and in the collective.

Another common misconception I want to challenge is that leadership is inherently masculine. In truth, leadership qualities can arise from either of these polar energies, regardless of gender identity. Both the masculine and feminine can lead—but they do so in distinct and complementary ways.

Because many of us have been conditioned in ways that disconnect us from these energies, we often express them in distorted or unhealthy forms. In this article, I’ll explore the core qualities of each polarity, the healthy and unhealthy expressions we may see in ourselves, our relationships, and our practices like yoga or tango—and how we can begin to heal this internal imbalance and reconnect with a more integrated expression of both.

Put simply, masculine energy is characterized by structure, direction, action, and clarity. It includes qualities like discipline, autonomy, problem-solving, initiative, commitment, and a solid, unwavering presence. In its healthy expression, it offers containment and support—driving progress and helping manifest vision into tangible form. It supports the feminine by creating safety and providing guidance through wise decision-making and consistent follow-through. In its unhealthy expression, however, masculine energy can become controlling, domineering, emotionally detached, avoidant of intimacy, and overly fixated on getting the job done—regardless of the impact on others.

Some of the core qualities of the feminine include receptivity, intuition, creativity, softness, flow, emotion, love, compassion, adaptability, connection, collaboration, community, nurturance, embodiment, sensuality, and non-linearity. In its healthy expression, feminine energy honors process over outcome, values presence in the moment, and connects deeply to emotional and physical wisdom. It supports the masculine by breathing life into structure, infusing focus with care and inclusivity, and allowing authentic feeling to emerge. In its unhealthy expression, however, the feminine can become manipulative, passive, overly demanding or guilt-inducing, codependent, chaotic, emotionally unstable, or rooted in victimhood.

When these energies are out of balance, they can manifest as low self-worth, negative thoughts and emotions, challenging or toxic relationship dynamics, and undesirable life circumstances. However, when the masculine and feminine are aligned and honored, a sense of true inner wholeness can be restored. This alignment brings greater clarity and peace within, while also fostering healthy, loving, and inspiring connections with others. It allows us to meet life’s circumstances—whether joyful or difficult—with understanding, a growth-oriented mindset, and a deep trust in the unfolding of life.

To give you a more concrete sense of how these energies might show up, I’ll offer examples in the areas I’ve based this article around: the self, relationships, yoga, and tango.

Let’s start with the expression of masculine energy. And again—this is not gender-specific. Depending on your personal experience and gender identity, you may relate differently to these energies.

An unhealthy expression of masculine energy—toward yourself or others—can look like being overly hard on yourself or those around you. It may involve emotional detachment or only allowing yourself to feel emotions like anger, rage, or hatred. This imbalance can also manifest as a need to control everything and everyone—or as the compulsion to fix or rescue others, often at the expense of healthy boundaries and mutual empowerment.

You’re always pushing, striving, doing—yet unable to relax. Your thinking becomes uninviting; your opinions, closed to other perspectives. You become inconsistent, unreliable, disrespectful, or aggressive. You may be unable to receive help, believing you have to do everything alone.

In your yoga practice, this can show up as pushing past your body’s limits, forcing yourself into poses you're not ready for, risking injury, ignoring your breath, or using the practice purely as a way to sweat or burn off adrenaline—disconnected from presence or inner awareness.

In your tango practice, if you are a leader, this might look like trying to control your partner’s every move, manhandling their body, or touching inappropriately. If you are a follower, it might look like overriding your partner’s lead, disregarding their proposals, and trying to take over the dance.

In both lead and follow roles, unhealthy masculine energy can show up as physical tension that blocks feeling, perception, and communication. It might also show up as a lack of respect for shared etiquette—such as giving unsolicited feedback during a milonga or using a class partner purely to meet your own dance needs without regard for theirs.

Even before the dance begins, this energy can surface in the form of overly aggressive or inconsiderate invitations—or, conversely, in rude or dismissive rejections. In class settings, it may manifest as a lack of cooperation, competitiveness, or an inability to engage in a collaborative learning process.

Let’s now take a look at some concrete examples of misaligned feminine energy—how it can manifest in yourself, your relationships, and your yoga and tango practices.

The disconnected feminine may feel powerless and passive. You struggle to believe in yourself or lack creative inspiration. You find it hard to motivate yourself, lack a sense of purpose or direction, and feel unsafe expressing your needs or opinions. Emotionally suppressing, you may feel out of tune with your body and unable to care for or nurture yourself or others.

This imbalance can also show up as being overly judgmental, overly demanding or guilt-inducing, manipulative, condescending, people-pleasing, approval-seeking, over-extending, or martyring —attempting to regain control or boost low self-worth through subtle and indirect forms of dominance. You might withdraw from social connection, becoming cliquish or emotionally inaccessible—or, at the other extreme, overly needy and dependent. There may be a deep mistrust of yourself and others, a disconnection from your intuition, and pervasive feelings of being unworthy, unattractive, or “not enough.” You might adopt a victim mindset, expecting others to fix or save you, and often struggle with setting or expressing healthy boundaries.

In your yoga practice, this might look like always opting for the easiest variation out of a belief that you’re not strong or capable enough. It can also show up as a lack of discipline—struggling to maintain a consistent practice—or using yoga as a way to avoid responsibility. Instead of tuning in, the practice becomes a form of distraction, spiritual bypassing, or a superficial attempt to "look good" rather than feel deeply. It may involve identifying with the image of spirituality, rather than engaging in a truly honest, embodied spiritual process.

In tango, this imbalance may appear for followers as being overly passive—just “going along” without actively dancing, expecting the leader to do everything, or resisting their ideas unless they’re led perfectly. It can feel like being pushed or moved around the floor, rather than engaging in mutual creation.

For leaders, this can show up as lacking ideas or proposals, offering no sense of containment or clarity in the embrace, making it difficult for the follower to understand your lead. You may leave so much space that the follower is forced to lead, disrupting their ability to connect with their own feminine expression.

For both roles, misaligned feminine energy can manifest as non-receptivity to the other’s movement, or a cold, uninviting embrace lacking emotion, connection, and human touch. In the classroom, it might show up as impatience, judgmental or rude behavior, or fishing for compliments or validation.

So, what does a healthy expression of these energies actually look like? And how can we begin to heal the unhealthy patterns, so we can more fully embody our most integrated self—in our relationships, our yoga practice, and our tango?

First and foremost, true healing can only begin when we have an honest conversation with ourselves and become aware of how we’re relating to these energies within ourselves. Because it’s often so difficult to see our own imbalances clearly, we may be tempted to focus on changing those around us. But that’s never truly possible.

Instead, when we cultivate greater wholeness within, our external reality begins to shift naturally. You may find yourself drawn to completely different people—those who are more aligned and reflect the inner harmony you’ve created. Some individuals may naturally fade into a less central role in your life, while others may adapt and respond to your new way of being.

When you show up differently for yourself, you inevitably show up differently for others—and they, in turn, show up differently for you.

That being said, the path to healing an unhealthy expression of either the masculine or feminine often involves inviting in more of the healthy expression of its opposite. For example, if you find yourself caught in the unhealthy masculine, you’ll benefit from cultivating the healthy feminine—and vice versa.

A more concrete example of this might be: if you find yourself in an unhealthy masculine expression—driven to get the job done at any cost, disregarding who or what is in your way—you would benefit from reconnecting with empathy, either for yourself or others. Empathy, a healthy feminine trait, softens the uninviting drive of the wounded masculine.

On the other hand, if you’re caught in an unhealthy feminine expression—such as manipulating or nagging in an attempt to get your needs met—you would benefit from cultivating inner stability and a sense of self-sourced safety. This is a healthy masculine quality that invites others, through your grounded presence rather than helplessness, to show up for you with care and protection.

Now, let’s look at some concrete examples of what healthy expressions of these energies can look like—within yourself, your relationships, and your yoga and tango practices.

Earlier in this article, I outlined some of the core qualities of each energy. But rather than continuing to separate them into opposing traits, I’d like to explore how they work in relationship with each other. Because the most integrated and empowered expression of either energy is one that is supported and balanced by the other.

In the self, the healthiest expression is when the masculine and feminine lead together—each in their own, complementary way. You feel grounded and contained, allowing creativity and inspiration to flow freely. You are connected to a deeper sense of purpose and able to manifest it into reality, impacting the lives of others in constructive and meaningful ways.

You feel free to be both independent and deeply connected—honoring your individuality while respecting the boundaries of others. You love unconditionally—but with discernment. That means being clear about where, when, and to whom you give your energy, so that you can also honor the love you have for yourself.

You strive for growth while also accepting what cannot be changed. You trust that whatever greater force you believe in is supporting you. You welcome challenges and meet them with emotional resilience rather than avoidance. You allow yourself—and others—to grow, evolve, and change.

You feel free. You feel peaceful. You feel worthy—and you see others as worthy, too. You don’t look outside of yourself to feel complete. Instead, you show up already grounded in your own wholeness, and allow others to reflect that wholeness back to you in how they relate to you.

In your yoga practice, a healthy integration of masculine and feminine energies might look like consistently “playing your edge”—challenging yourself while also honoring your current limits to avoid injury. You trust that those limits will evolve over time through conscious effort and dedication. You move with both strength and grace, infusing each posture with breath and presence.

You approach your practice with honesty, curiosity, and an open mind—deepening your relationship with yourself. You witness your body, mind, and breath with compassion and presence, allowing the practice to become a space of both discipline and self-discovery.

In tango, for those who lead, this balance shows up as offering a clear, grounded lead—not as a demand, but as a respectful proposal. Through your stability and clarity, you create a sense of safety that allows your partner to relax and express themselves. Your embrace is protective and precise, offering containment without restriction. You remain open to your partner’s interpretations within the structure you create.

For followers, a healthy expression looks like receptivity to your partner’s proposals, while remaining active, expressive, and creatively engaged. You don’t override the lead, but your presence is fully alive—contributing to the dance with intelligence, intuition, and musicality.

For both roles, there's mutual respect, a shared receptivity, and a fluid exchange of communication. You surrender—not to your partner—but to the dance itself and the shared connection it invites.

In the classroom, this healthy balance might appear as patience and compassion—for both your own learning process and that of your dance or practice partners. On a wider scale, it can also look like being an active, supportive member of the community—someone who shows up with humility, openness, and a willingness to contribute while also tending to their own inner well.

Before wrapping up, I want to emphasize one important point: when we step more fully into an integrated expression of the masculine and feminine energies within ourselves, we naturally invite others to do the same—simply through our presence and leading by example. Some will be ready to rise to that invitation; others may resist it.

You cannot force anyone else’s healing. You can only stay committed to your own, while allowing others the space and respect for their own unique journey. This delicate balance between commitment and allowing is, in itself, one of the most powerful ways to honor both the masculine and feminine within—and a beautiful contribution to collective healing.

While there is so much more that could be said—and this topic is deeply nuanced—I hope this article has given you a clear overview of the dynamic between the masculine and feminine energies we all hold within. You’ve seen how these energies can manifest in both healthy and unhealthy ways—in your relationship with yourself, in your connections with others, and within your yoga and tango practices.

With this new awareness, my hope is that you feel inspired to recognize and begin healing any imbalances you may notice within yourself. May this be a gentle invitation toward greater wholeness, inner peace, and a life that feels both meaningful and empowering.

If you enjoyed this article, I would be grateful if you shared it with someone who might benefit from these reflections. And if you’d like to explore this work more deeply with me—through yoga, tango, or transformation coaching—I invite you to browse my website or reach out to me directly.

I also have two related yoga classes available in my on-demand membership that you might enjoy to deepen your awareness and start or continue your healing journey. Both can be accessed with a FREE 7-day trial for new members, subscription, or 24-hr rental: